This is not my house.
The beginning of June brings two blissful events into my life practically every year: the school year ends, and , less obviously, my wife leaves me. Wait, that is not as bad as it sounds. I love my wife. We will have been married for 35 years on August 27th, and I’m hoping for another 35. (Well, let’s be realistic: 25.)
The first week after school lets out she likes to go up to Dallas and spend some time with her mom and dad, and her sister. Now she has the added attraction of Zack and Kallie and beloved grand-daughter Harper. Her parents are getting on in age and Karen does a million little things to help them out when she visits.
The first week after school lets out I run a tennis camp with my friend Kyle. It goes from Monday through Thursday and lasts two hours each morning. So I have to be there.
I dropped Karen off at the airport last Monday at 7:30 a.m. and will pick her up this Monday at 10 a.m. That means that for a full week I am at home alone! She asked me as she got out of the car, “Will you miss me?” I said, “Of course,” and then I drove away with a huge grin on my face.
I don’t know why the prospect of an empty house is so exhilarating to me. It’s not like I go crazy and indulge all the bad habits that are festering under my reserved demeanor. Routine stays basically the same…might stay up a little later, might watch a little trashier TV. If anything, I become more reclusive than I usually am.
No, that’s not entirely true. We have lived in our new house since last August, and in all that time I think we have had guests over (not counting family) one time. I love my new house and I talk (okay, brag) about it a lot. And people tell me they’d like to come see it. Now, when Karen and I entertain, it usually becomes a stressful situation. (Perhaps that’s why we don’t entertain much.) Karen wants things to be just so, house has to be spic and span, etc. I am, well, I am not like that. So, with her gone for a week, here was my chance to fulfill my social obligations in a basically stress free environment. I had three guys over for a barbecue and Spurs game on Monday night, a group of tennis coach friends and I played a round of golf and barbecued on Wednesday, and my reading group met here on Thursday evening. For all three occasions I served essentially the same menu—sausage tortilla or cheeseburger, guacamole & chips, potato salad (Costco), and fruit salad. All evidence of visitors was gone by Friday at noon. (Well, I’m sure Karen will find evidence, but she has a better eye than I do.)
But no, I don’t see Karen’s being gone as a chance to party. That’s not it at all. Truth is, I was completely socialized out by Friday morning, and I don’t think I’ve spoken with anyone (except the three guys I played golf with this morning) since. What I love about the empty house is the freedom. I prepare whatever I want to eat and clean up when I’m ready. (No, I’m not a slob, she healed me of that long ago.) I don’t worry about putting the Breathe Right strip on to muffle my snoring. I don’t wonder if I flushed twice and put the lid down. I fall asleep on the sofa without meaning to. This co-habiting is a tricky business, and if you don’t pay attention to what your co-habiter is feeling, you probably won’t co-habit for very long.
But we’ve made it 35 years, so I think we’re going to last. And this is why: it usually kicks in on the fourth or fifth day—this year it was Saturday morning—but I always realize I want her home. I miss her. I have an acquaintance whose wife died a few years back. They were both in their fifties. I ran into him about six months after it happened, and I hadn’t heard about it. I couldn’t believe it. The man was devastated. He looked haggard—his loss hung on him like an albatross. After six months. I’ve thought about it, and I get it. The two shall become one. How do you go back?
I get to pick Karen up tomorrow morning. I can’t wait to see her. Another thing I like about the Home Alone week is that I know she will be dying to see me. (Her family can get a little crazy.) I think this week is good for our marriage. In fact, I would highly recommend it. When is the last time you were home alone?
Nice tribute to your wife and your marriage. Agreed marriages are strengthened by brief separations.
thanks, diane, for reading. how is retirement treating you?
First.…You two deserve a medal for not only being together that long but still liking each other. I am always impressed and hopeful when I come across such lovely relationships. I totally agree about the time apart…healthy and beneficial for all
Dallin, I love your writing. I’m so happy that you and Karen have been together for so long. It’s a match made in heaven. All my best. ‑Becky
thank you, becky! that is so sweet. i have so many fond thoughts about you. i am glad you are a forgiving soul, for i fear i did you wrong.
thank you, becky, for the nice compliment. karen is really excited about seeing you this upcoming weekend! wish i could be there too. wish you the very best, and keep reading!
Now you know why I miss those TDY’s that the military was so nice to organize for me. I would LOVE to be alone in my house for a week! I am glad you get that treat each year.
i’m gonna make you really jealous! she’s going to st. louis for six days in july and to see beth in los angeles at the beginning of august. maybe i should come stay w/ bob and you can have my house for one of those times. (hey, that’s just a joke!)
I haven’t been married nearly as long as you have but I totally agree with you on this one. Being away from each other gives you a chance to realize how much you miss the other person. and that’s a good thing.