Photo by Karen
Back to my vow… I believe that God gave me the gift of writing—not in the Steinbeck/Hemingway way, but in my way. I am comfortable putting my thoughts on paper. I like to turn a phrase. So I wasn’t using His gift. I decided that I would go back to my blog, something my son had set up for me by creating a website—I had written essays very sporadically since 2012. I would write whatever I felt like writing about, two essays a week, for one year. After that, I would re-evaluate. At this point I am ten months in. The other day I came across a poem I had written 30 years ago that perfectly expresses how I feel now.
The Obsession
The muse struck me down in the hallway
–Forced me to fill paper with words.
I’ll write if there’s something I must say;
My phrases are nuclear swords!
I feel I have just been inspired,
Anointed to help spread the news.
I will write, no matter how tired,
To tell all the world of my views.
I’ll write of the human condition,
The conflicts that rage from within.
My prose will evoke real emotion—
Compassion, repentance of sin.
I’ll chronicle human behavior
And not flinch from the gore and the mud.
Like a prophet proclaiming a savior,
My pen will drip drops of bright blood.
I’ll examine my own sad existence
And confess each mistake that I’ve made.
I’ll write on despite all resistance!
By the way, sir, is this for a grade?
The last line became the title for my third book, a collection of essays about being a teacher. I had completely forgotten!
Ahh the question of all creatives, does it matter if one does not have an audience? I’ve discovered it doesn’t. This was not an easy journey, after having an agent, publisher etc. and losing all of that. But still I couldn’t stop painting. Neitzche says it best for me and helped me make a peace with it. Looking into the tragic sight of life, the emptiness of loss and the beauty and wonder of the world, there is a rapture to be experienced in developing a skill from amateur to master. When I paint, I don’t feel the pain in the mind, I’m deep in conversation with the work and the language of the soul is expressed. If what I create resonates with someone else, a connection is made and that’s a lovely bonus. I’m here and you see me.
I love your writing Dal. It provokes me to answer.
Love,
Gretch
I am with you, my sister gretch…forgetting about the audience is very freeing for me as a writer. i spent years trying to figure out what the audience wanted…a true dead end. i am thankful that making money as a writer doesn’t matter to me anymore. but it is still work, don’t you agree?
Dallin, Your focus needs to be on your Faith in Our Savior, Jesus Christ. Look to scripture for you inspiration. Study it, understand it and live it. All things on this earth are temporary, fleeting and perishable. Faith in the sacrifice of the Son of God shed blood which makes us God’s children is the lasting thing on this earth.