My anxiety provokers

pho­to by karen

These are anx­ious times, no doubt about it. The world is in trou­ble. On the nation­al lev­el, the news is almost nev­er good. On the local lev­el, dis­sen­sion and fear seem to dom­i­nate our con­scious­ness. On the per­son­al lev­el, even a phone call can instill dread—is it bad news? A stiff upper lip can only car­ry you so far. But fac­ing your fears is bet­ter than ignor­ing them, so I’ve been won­der­ing what makes me anxious.

Near the top of the list has to be health. It is so hard to do any good for any­one, or even myself, when I am sick. Two years ago we went to Toron­to to be with Bethany and her fam­i­ly when Nes­sa was born. Two days lat­er, I got sick as a dog, the worst I can remem­ber in years. I remained so for three days, and then I flew home. In des­per­ate need, I couldn’t pray or chant or breathe. I lay there in mis­ery. I know the test­ing of my faith pro­duces endurance, but I didn’t rel­ish it. And yet: …those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. (Isa­iah 40:31)

It has lost some of its pow­er, but a long-time pro­vok­er of my anx­i­ety was mon­ey. Hav­ing expe­ri­enced what poor felt like, I became attract­ed to mon­ey. I was nev­er greedy—I just want­ed to have enough. It was nego­ti­at­ing that line of what is enough that made me wor­ry. It can still flare up in my brain on occa­sions. And yet: Keep your lives free from the love of mon­ey and be con­tent with what you have, because God has said, “Nev­er will I leave you, nev­er will I for­sake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)

My rela­tion­ships can be a huge source of stress. I know that our bond is love, but I see a lot of loose strands fly­ing around mine. You have to be alert to moods and time and shar­ing. (O, how He is still try­ing to teach me to lis­ten!) If I’m at odds with some­one I care about, I car­ry it around like a weight. And yet: Anx­i­ety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. (Proverbs 12:25)

Like every­body, my con­science can pro­voke my anx­i­ety. I have a rela­tion­al agree­ment with my con­science: it can’t expect me to be per­fect, and I will try to do bet­ter. Every oth­er nego­ti­a­tion will be with me and God. One thing I like about my con­science is I can’t fool it. And yet: For when­ev­er our heart con­demns us, God is greater than our hearts, and he knows every­thing. (1 John 3:20)

My wife men­tioned one that I haven’t cov­ered: the health and well-being of fam­i­ly and of chil­dren in gen­er­al. Akin to two of mine, it still deserves its own cat­e­go­ry. In fact, it prob­a­bly gen­er­ates more stress with her than all the oth­ers. The anx­i­eties that you can’t do any­thing about are the heav­i­est. Prayer is my best pre­scrip­tion, but prayer can seem emp­ty when some­one you love is suf­fer­ing. And yet: There is no fear in love; but per­fect love casts out fear, because fear involves tor­ment. But he who fears has not been made per­fect in love. We love because He first loved us. (I John 4: 18–19)

The chart­buster on my list is Covid-19, hang­ing over our lives like a dark cloud. Though well-iso­lat­ed and fair­ly safe, there is an unease that broods around and with­in me. Covid has such force because its entrance into our lives can have huge impacts on the stres­sor list above. And this is one fear we don’t have expe­ri­ence deal­ing with. Or a timetable for. It’s a good thing we’re all in this togeth­er. It’s going to take a mir­a­cle to get out from under it. And yet: Even though I walk through the dark­est val­ley , I will fear no evil for You are with me… (Psalm 23:4)

Bible vers­es are not bandaids—they don’t cov­er up the hurt. These hard times are going to make us stronger, and no one was promised an easy ride. Anx­i­eties aside, I am see­ing rea­sons for opti­mism. Change is always an oppor­tu­ni­ty for improve­ment. Have faith. Because: “Let not your heart be trou­bled; you believe in God, believe also in Me.” (John 14:1)

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