We buried Aunt Faith yesterday. She was the last living direct relative of Karen and her three sisters. She was a fine lady who affected positively many people’s lives. I didn’t realize how much until I heard two of the nieces eulogize her at the funeral. That got me thinking about family.
In praise of the complexity: there are no two alike. Every single person in the family unit holds his/her own perspective. There are innumerable variables. United in blood but rarely in mood—you literally have to learn how to get along. Many families don’t, or give up trying. There is so much family roadkill out there. But can you think of many feelings sweeter than when you are with your family and happy to be there?
In praise of the fluidity: family should not become stagnant. We are always adding and subtracting—that is the nature of life. Praise God that the adding mostly seems to outweigh the subtracting. Take your own family life: what you have now to what you started with. Like all seeds, we are meant to grow.
In praise of the diversity: it goes farther than family dynamics. No two fathers or mothers or sisters or brothers or aunts or uncles play the same role in a family. We are all characters in a drama. It’s throwing random ingredients into every mix. What of families who end up not liking each other? Did God (who created the family as surely as He created me) get the ingredients wrong? Too weighty for me—we grow where we are planted.
In praise of the finality: you don’t get to choose. You can’t even turn in your brother for a new model. You are stuck with what you got. You can add to it, but the only real way to subtract is death. I used to tell my high school students: Who are you going to care more about in 20 years—your parents or your friends? Who do you care more about now?”
In praise of fate: no size fits all. I have three siblings, whether by chance or choice, who do not have children of their own. They have taught me to expand my definition of family. I know several pets who have been treated better than my own children. And if you love your friend like a brother, then isn’t he a brother? We cannot restrain family by bloodlines.
In praise of the legacy: that’s why they call it a family tree. We are intended to grow. I have a tremendous joy in having a daughter and two sons—a son-in-law and two daughters-in-law—six unbelievable granddaughters! Not egotistically, but reverently, they came from me! How blessed can I possibly be?
In praise of the joy: there is a plan to it. If the incredible experiment works, if you are happy to be who you are and grateful to the people most important in making you you, the bond is unbreakable. The love of our families is what keeps most of us going on a daily basis. When they know they are that important to you, they will love you back fiercely. It’s like a healthy garden—when a family loves, everybody grows.
In praise of the purpose: this is ultimate goal—we are called to love everyone. The family He gives us is the training ground. We have to learn how. Many of us learn, sadly, by bad examples. But family doesn’t end. We are supposed to use those bad examples as a guide to pass on a better example to the new miracle God has given us—our own child. There is an outline here. The human race is supposed to improve. Love your family—and pass it on.
Amen. Family is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get! But, there is sweetness in each one. Thanks for your blogs.
I don’t know who you are, but I appreciate you reading.Hope you are navigating these desperate times.
Loved this!
I can totally relate to your words and thoughts on family. Having no children of my own has at times made me sad, other times eternally grateful. I have three older sisters, my parents are both gone now. I have several nieces and nephews and 54 first cousins. I am lucky to have a handful of very close friends who are like family to me. I can honestly say I thanked God today for the many many blessings of family and friends I have in my life right now. Life is good.
Thanks for your words.