Closing out 2019.

Post on 1 January, 2020 by Dallin Malmgren

art­work by Annal­isa Barelli

Intro­spec­tion and ret­ro­spec­tion. There’s some val­ue in both activ­i­ties as long as it’s a pause, not a stop. Was there any progress? Where do my loose ends lie? Do I still believe in resolutions—if so, what shall I resolve? As I get ready to meet my old friend Dry Jan­u­ary, these are ques­tions worth considering.

Progress is a tricky one because my com­pre­hen­sion of the nature of progress is chang­ing. In the past I thought of progress in terms of attain­ments, that is, in exter­nal measures—what have I accom­plished? Now I see progress in terms of my abil­i­ty to sur­ren­der. I used to ask What can I do for You, God? Now I want to know What can You do with me, God? Mea­sur­ing my progress by goals, be it weight loss or bank account or fit­ness lev­el or golf hand­i­cap or num­ber of books read, is essen­tial­ly an ego­cen­tric activ­i­ty. Look at me. True progress is mea­sured by a lev­el of aware­ness. Here is my barom­e­ter: Love God and love your neigh­bor as your­self—ver­ti­cal and hor­i­zon­tal. How well am I doing at liv­ing by those instruc­tions moment by moment? To assess my progress seems kind of silly…like see­ing how the earth is doing by look­ing at a rock. But I don’t want to dis­miss the idea of progress. For the sake of intro­spec­tion, I would say it goes well. I have far to go, but I am being moved.

The loose ends are more dan­ger­ous because more is vis­i­ble. My loose ends are things I’m not sat­is­fied with, or more pos­i­tive­ly, things I want to improve, like my body image, my finan­cial stew­ard­ship, my rela­tion­ships with my fam­i­ly (each one of them), how I spend my time (work and play), even my mar­riage. Shoring up the loose ends requires a change in atti­tude more than any reg­i­men or vow or plan—I have to decom­press and take the weight off my own shoul­ders. Take, for exam­ple, my body (please)—image is the key word here. How I see myself— if I try to con­trol how oth­ers see me, I am lost. Healthy and fit are both bet­ter words than makeover. My finances: what do I cov­et? Mon­ey is not evil—it’s the love that gets you. The sim­pler I can keep my desires, the less I need. The less I need, the more I can give—according to the promise, that’s where the true joy lies. My time: I am def­i­nite­ly not ready for monk­hood. I like sports and enter­tain­ment and sleep and just hang­ing out. I trust the Lord will con­tin­ue to teach me how to enjoy those things with Him present. Ah, rela­tion­ships: the hor­i­zon­tal part of my barom­e­ter. In my moment to moment life, my neigh­bor is not the guy across the street—it’s my wife, my daugh­ter and two sons, their chil­dren, my broth­er and sis­ters, their fam­i­lies, Karen’s fam­i­ly, friends, and out­ward from there. Take one day and con­cen­trate com­plete­ly on lov­ing your spouse as you love yourself—now that’s a real challenge! 

Now the tough ques­tion: where am I with mak­ing res­o­lu­tions? I am a suck­er for resolutions—they reas­sure me that I am still try­ing. But I am los­ing faith in will-power—it is being swal­lowed up in grace. Trust changes me more than I can pos­si­bly change myself. I hope to take all my health, diet, exer­cise loose ends and sur­round them with My body is a tem­ple for the Holy Spir­it—a New Tes­ta­ment tem­ple, not that stuffy Old Tes­ta­ment one. I want to notice my breath­ing more. I want to feed my mind from nutri­tious sources. 

My num­ber one would-be res­o­lu­tion goes back to my barom­e­ter. I want to love God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength. And I want to take advan­tage of all the oppor­tu­ni­ties He gives me. The Holy Spir­it is try­ing to increase my aware­ness that love is active. I can be lazy—people are just sup­posed to know that I love them. It doesn’t work. So what do I resolve…to love more active­ly? That can sound spooky. How about turn­ing the res­o­lu­tion into a request: Lord, teach me how to love. 

Comments

  • Reply

    Thanks for shar­ing these thoughts. Real­ly speaks to me right now. Wait­ing on the Lord is not an easy place to reside. I’m learn­ing, I hope, to be more mer­ci­ful and com­pas­sion­ate toward myself, toward the many inad­e­qua­cies and fail­ures I see when I look under the hood. “He requires truth in the inmost being”. Hon­esty before God, if it’s tru­ly pos­si­ble at all, I think must come from trust. That always present assur­ance and re-assur­ance that we are loved. Real­ly and tru­ly loved. Right here right now. 

    Thanks again, brother.

    Eugene Pressman9 January, 2020
  • Reply

    I think that is an excel­lent mes­sage, Dallin, and one that real­ly res­onates with me. Well said!

    Lynn Reed2 January, 2020

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