Traffic lights, grocery lines, license bureaus, auto repair services —we all have to wait. (I especially hate it when they assign you a number.) Most of us never learn to wait, so when we have to, we have no plan. We just go where our minds take us, and, in my experience, it’s not usually a pleasant place. Then there’s the factor of what you’re waiting for. There’s the involuntary waits (traffic snarls, flight delays) and the self-imposed waits (last foursome to tee off, the line to ride Space Mountain). Without becoming a total recluse, I don’t think it’s possible to avoid waiting. I guess rich people can buy themselves a little extra time. But my thesis is that waiting is an inevitable part of the human condition.
I bring all this up because I have been waiting. This afternoon, ringing a bell, helping Salvation Army. That might seem self-aggrandizing—doing good, helping the poor—but the truth is I was waiting. My shift was 4 to 5. I tried to discipline myself not to look at the time more than once every ten minutes.
The worst waiting I can recall enduring was monitoring TAKS testing (or whatever they call it now) while teaching high school. We had to sit alertly or move up and down the rows to make sure no one was cheating. It was an untimed test. There were tiny windows on the doors where the administrators could peek through to make sure you were monitoring properly. I learned that a Tic Tac would dissolve in 111 seconds if you put it in your mouth and moved it around (no biting). If you set it on your tongue and didn’t do anything with it, 4:10.
In January of 2016, my wife and I decided that it would be good to move to Dallas to be nearer our youngest son, his wife, our three granddaughters, and other family. We put our house on the market in February. Still haven’t moved—we are waiting.
Of course, my waits are nothing compared to what’s available out there. I fear to travel because I have experienced going less than 1.4 miles in an hour, and I have seen those people sleeping on cots in the airport. I don’t even want to think about those evacuation or snowstorm lines, where you’re not moving at all, and you don’t know when you’re going to move again. The mother of all waiting: trapped under ground in an earthquake. I admire the people who go through it—I’m not sure I could—and I wonder how their spirits have responded.
One small disclaimer here: there is a different kind of waiting that transcends the above (for a baby, or bad news, or a new job, or the right person) – that doesn’t count because it is more about the event than the waiting.
So what’s the point? It sounds like a simplistic spiritual bromide, but – uh duh – patience. Almost everything in the cultural media points to immediate gratification. How are we supposed to learn to wait? You have to believe that patience is a virtue that you want to acquire—or that your impatience is causing you psychic damage.
What are we really waiting for? Here’s my radical theory: we are all waiting for God. Set aside our human beliefs—if there is a God, He is all-knowing, He is all powerful, He is omnipresent. He is in control. I don’t mean that He makes everything happen, but He permeates everything that does happen. And He has brought you waiting. A tough premise for some, but let’s be honest: you sure didn’t bring yourself waiting. Receive it.
We had varmints tearing up my wife’s garden most every night. So we got one of those wire traps, and the first night we got an armadillo. The second night we got a teenage raccoon. It was still when I discovered it, but as soon as it noticed me, it started rattling around the cage, looking for a way out. The next night it was the mama raccoon. She was hissing and snarling and spitting as soon as she saw me. (So scary I had to get my friend Cecil to help me set her free.) The next night was a baby raccoon, I drove her to the woodline and opened the cage and she ambled out. They were all waiting and I was their God.
So the question becomes: how do we wait? Mostly we seek a diversion, mainly with our phones. But that’s just treading water. I want to learn to be calm. I especially don’t want to be that guy fidgeting and fussing and cussing and slamming and even doing worse things. If waiting comes from God, it’s meant to be a growth experience. I have a few suggestions:
- It helps to realize there’s nothing you can do about it. You may be steering your ship, but you don’t control the waters.
- It also helps to remember what I said above: the waiting comes from God. He put you in this situation—it is not the guy who ran out of gas in the middle lane at 4:30 p.m. (he is dealing with his own God thing). Receive it from God and acquiesce.
- Breathe – your connection to the Spirit is by your breath – breathe in, breathe out. Realize your connection to the Initiator of that response – it helps.
Almost makes me look forward to bell-ringing again.
Very thought provoking post. I’ll try . I know — patience is a virtue. It sure is hard, though! Especially when it feels like I still have twenty or more thing to do before the end of the day and someone ahead of me needs that price check at the register!
Meryl Streep has a great treatise on waiting in the film out of Africa. I Consider it a zen practice. It’s definitely about calming the mind.
Hadn’t thought of it like that, but couldn’t agree with your theory more. I have learned that if you are the praying type, you NEVER pray for patience! The tests or circumstances sent to you will be in you to your knees to pray for anything else but patience!
I will think of you when I am stuck in traffic tomorrow. And practice my deep breathing!
I really enjoyed reading your writing again!
Waiting had not been an easy situation for me as I have grown older. But I like your suggestions.