The Willow Tree

Pho­to by Mered­ith Shadrach

I became a Chris­t­ian when I was 26 years old. Since I had vir­tu­al­ly no church back­ground and since I had spent my pre­vi­ous young adult years in vary­ing states of dis­so­lu­tion, my con­ver­sion demand­ed a dras­tic change in lifestyle. I imme­di­ate­ly became an ini­ti­ate of a house church com­prised of col­lege stu­dents and dropouts just off the cam­pus of the Uni­ver­si­ty of Mis­souri. The Bible was our guide as we attempt­ed to recre­ate the lifestyle and fel­low­ship of the ear­ly church as delin­eat­ed in the open­ing chap­ters of the Book of Acts. Street evan­ge­lism, com­mu­nal prop­er­ty, brother/sister relationships—we were a loony bunch of fanat­ics. The Word of God was lit­er­al and not to be parsed by the sec­u­lar world. Yes, by God, we knew where we stood in the creationism/evolution debate.

Except that I didn’t, not real­ly. I avoid­ed all such debates. I believe my ret­i­cence was spurred by two sep­a­rate obser­va­tions: the first was that my fel­low believ­ers who most fer­vent­ly espoused a strict inter­pre­ta­tion of the Bible were the least pleas­ant Chris­tians to be around. The sec­ond was that I per­son­al­ly found it easy to believe that I was descend­ed from mon­keys. The wil­low tree taught me that.

It grew in our back­yard, its branch­es almost reach­ing to my upstairs bed­room win­dow. From our back­door or from the side door into our “recre­ation” room, a quick sprint and a sim­ple kip up on my favorite branch would find me perched like a chimp, sur­vey­ing the world below from my beloved tree. I knew every branch, every angle, every scar on that tree as well as I knew my own body. I could go from ground to high­est pos­si­ble van­tage point in under ten sec­onds, and back down again con­sid­er­ably quick­er. A wil­low tree has a kind of umbrel­la shape, and I could move around the cir­cle of my umbrel­la with light­ning speed. One day my moth­er was out in the back­yard, and she watched me soar in my tree. “You look like a mon­key,” she said. But she said it admiringly.

I took my nicks and scrapes and bruis­es from that tree. One time from the upper branch­es, I mis­cal­cu­lat­ed how much weight a young limb could hold and I fell through all the way to the ground, clutch­ing at branch­es to break my fall. There was anoth­er branch that grew par­al­lel to the ground about eight feet high, a nat­ur­al high bar. With no for­mal train­ing, I became a pseu­do-gym­nast, doing hip cir­cles and hand­stands and dis­mounts (couldn’t do a giant because of oth­er branch­es). One time I slipped and land­ed flat on my back. I lay there try­ing to decide if I was dead or uncon­scious or par­a­lyzed. Then I noticed how beau­ti­ful the sky was through her branch­es and leaves.

I can’t recall ever being in that tree with anoth­er per­son (with a broth­er and four sis­ters, it must have hap­pened). I remem­ber watch­ing peo­ple. I could see into the kitchen win­dow from a cer­tain branch, and into my brother’s bed­room win­dow from anoth­er. From my high­est roost, I could see over the small hill in our back­yard and onto the catholic school play­ground. I used to love watch­ing kids play with­out them even know­ing I could see.

When my own chil­dren were young, we went on a vaca­tion back to Drex­el Hill, Penn­syl­va­nia. The house was there, dif­fer­ent paint, small­er than I remem­bered, but the same. No wil­low tree in the backyard—not even a trace. They hadn’t even plant­ed a replace­ment tree in its place. Damn evolutionists.

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