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Because I get it. Listening is even more important than speaking. Speaking (frequently) comes from the ego, and listening (almost always) comes from love. Loving your neighbor involves way more listening than speaking. Don’t get me wrong, it involves both, but listening will open doors more quickly than speaking. Becoming a good listener is a gift.
What are the barriers to good listening? My obvious answer is self-absorption. I worked in a hospital supply storeroom once—the secretary of our department could turn any conversation topic into something about herself faster than anyone I’ve ever known. I tested her once by bringing up some random fact about Mars. It took her 27 seconds to get to the fact that her favorite candy bar was a Milky Way. If it is always about you, how will you ever learn about them? What I think is more important than anything you say. The other side of that coin is: I don’t have time for this. There is a line to be drawn here, and it is a tricky one. When is it okay to stop listening?
A curious incident happened the other day. I had to deliver some laundry to my father-in-law in a nursing home. As I walked down a hallway, a woman sitting in a dining area motioned vigorously for me to come over. I didn’t know her. I approached cautiously. She began speaking quickly in a language I didn’t recognize, maybe one of those Baltic ones. She went on like this for two minutes. Good eye contact but no recognition. There was a woman sitting with her. I looked at her—her smile was bemused. Pointing to the laundry bag I was holding, I shrugged my shoulders, and said, “I gotta take this to my father-in-law,” and headed for the hallway. So here is my moral/ethical question: Was I supposed to do more?
It occurs to me that had I been able to translate what the poor woman was saying to me, it could have led to a wonderful interaction, a meaningful connection. That is the glorious benefit of effective listening. Most of the time you don’t even have to offer any advice. People will spill their guts if they know you’re listening non-judgmentally, and that simple act makes them feel better. You become an agent of healing. I’m no expert, but I have learned that the best way to improve our listening skills is to pay attention and ask questions.
Perhaps that applies to the greatest listening challenge that we all face—listening to God. He is no conventional speaker. In my relationship, I do almost all the talking, and that is not how I want it to be. I suspect that before you can master the art of listening to God, you have to become comfortable with silence. And you have to be willing to hear what He has to say. He is God, after all, and you are you.
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