Photo by me
It has crept up on me the last week or so. I can recognize it, but I’m not very good at combating it. It’s a disturbing malaise—a vague uneasy feeling of lethargy. I still believe the same things—it’s just like it’s tacked up on a bulletin board rather than written in my heart. I have not really varied in my religious practice: quiet time, golf as a spiritual exercise, back porch meditation, prayer with Karen—but with a nagging sense of going through the motions.
No doubt, quarantining is a factor in my drying up at the edges. Even though I’m retired and not under any particular stresses, the routine, the sameness of the days wears on me. Quarantining also means a lack of contact with others, which translates into a lack of service. The main extent of my reaching out to others is contacting my family and friends by phone and through social media. Other than writing a few checks to charitable organizations, I don’t feel like I’m doing much for the planet.
This spiritual heaviness drifts over into other aspects of my life. (When you’re abiding in Christ, there aren’t supposed to be other aspects of your life!) I find myself drawn to jigsaws and crossword puzzles but neglectful of my writing. I’ll commit to a half hour sit-com but not a full-length movie. I am slower to answer correspondence. Afternoon naps have become so enticing! Chips instead of carrots. More hiding in my study. Eyes on myself, not on the Lord.
Fortunately, I know what to do about all this. I don’t have to sit here like a puddle of mud. There are audibles I can call.
First of all, stop blaming the situation. The apostle Paul wrote: “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances…” (Philippians 4:11) He was in jail when he wrote that! It’s not just realizing the whole world is suffering, most of it far worse than I. It’s knowing that God, in His infinite wisdom, will turn this into good.
Secondly, I am promised a spiritual benefit if I suck it up. The apostle James says: “…knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and lacking in nothing.” (James 1:3–4) This is strengthening my character! No fair-weather Christianity for me.
Thirdly, I have to quit looking at the soil and look at the sky. My eyes have been in the wrong place. Whoever wrote Hebrews said: “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith..” (Hebrews 2:12) He started it and He will finish it. I need to quit worrying about how I am doing and focus on what He is doing.
My fourth point is not going to zero in on a Bible verse, but rather look back to one of my own blog posts: To thine own self be gentle. What I love, and often forget, is how patient God is through all of our ups and downs—always forgiving, always supporting, always trying to lift us up. We can use a little of that therapy on ourselves.
My boy Bob Dylan wrote a wonderful song on the album Saved called Pressing On. It is an inspiring anthem—you have to forget about what lies behind and just keep moving forward, pressing on. Karen and I listened to it on the back porch a little while ago. I feel better already.
Hi Dal,
I have become lazy for the first time since you knew me on fern Blvd. sometimes moving from the hammock to the patio couch to the porch chair, reading, sewing, gazing listening to music. Garden and gazing at it is a kind of praise song. My son and daughter in law pressure us to social distance visit with them and our grandson, which we will do on Sunday. This virus scares me, I won’t lie. I don’t mind being a bit of a hermit. But it is in my blood. I get the malaise you speak about and I have it at times. Just sort of down about the state of things. I wish my folks were here. They would be such an anchor and source of security. Now “I ” have to do that! I know,seek and you shall find. I’ll be talking to the guy upstairs for some of that.
Thanks for your honesty, as well as encouragement. I know that having been basically at home for 6 weeks & totally out of my routine that I’m having a hard time just remembering the day & the date. Due to the lack of routine I find myself not seeking after God like I normally would & my prayer life has not been as focused. I’ve recently started reading through Acts & have been encouraged by the faith & courage of the early church. I know that Jesus is totally aware of everything that is going on & that is where my hope needs to be. Although things may get tougher before they get better “He will keep in perfect peace those who minds are set upon the Lord”. Keep writing brother, give Karen a hug. Hope to see yall soon.
I appreciate you reading it, Barry. At first, the quarantine almost made me feel more connected. Being retired, i’m sometimes embarrassed at how simple and pleasant my everyday life is. But the grimness of the world situation is a constant reminder…I need to help. Direct involvement is tricky–I’m trusting God is and will continue showing me what i should do, and i’m praying that I will obey. So grateful to have your encouragement…there are a ton of things quarantine-related going on with my children and their families, and I’m sure that is true for you. Let’s remember to pray for each other and our families.