Photo by Karen Malmgren
Thou shalt not lie. It’s there, plain as paper. I was discussing it with Harper, my 7‑year-old granddaughter. “What if your best friend was wearing a dress, and you really didn’t think it was a pretty dress, and she asks, ‘Do you like my dress?’” Promptly, “No, I really don’t think it’s a pretty dress—I have to be honest.” Hmmm…so I said, “What if you said: ‘I don’t think that dress would look very good on me, but I can tell you like it, so I think it suits you.’” And Harper said, “Oh, yes, that’s a much better answer.” Now my question to you is: did I corrupt my granddaughter?
Talk about slippery slopes! Jesus said, “I am the truth…” You can’t walk up to people and say, “Jesus is the truth.” Well, you can, but it won’t be very effective. (I’ve tried it a few times.) You have to show that Jesus is the truth. You have to show that the girl is more important than the dress (even if she doesn’t realize it). The worst thing the truth can become is rigid. The stone tablets broke. Someone tell the fundamentalists.
I had an idea for a short story in which my protagonist, a teenage girl, woke up and decided she would speak only the truth for the entire day. I had several goes at it, but I could never get much beyond the plotting/outlining stage. My protagonist always ended up obnoxious or boring or mute.
So how do we navigate in this super-interactive, touch-of-the-fingers, always-available network of friendship and love? As I read it, the most popular response is to hit “like”. Which probably shows how callow our relationships have become (no one is worse about this than me). So how to develop honest relationships on whatever level? The Bible advises: “Speak the truth in love.” I think this might be the trickiest verse in a book full of mysteries—but also the secret to building real relationships. Because there is an underlying principle that often gets ignored—if you can’t speak in love, then shut up. We sometimes use the “Speak the truth..” part to unload.
I resolve to stop lying—it’s just not right. But I also realize I have to become far more creative in how I speak. The harsh word (no matter how honest”, the manipulative word (no matter how effective), the conciliatory word (no matter how obfuscating)—all are an attempt to control the other person. “Speak the truth in love”—freedom in communication.
I truly love your responses to my blog. (You might consider your own blog–or maybe you already do?) You kind of react in several different directions, but always following a thread. God is working with me on choosing when to speak and when not to. Your feedback helps.
“Now my question to you is: did I corrupt my granddaughter?” Good question. Is diplomacy lying? Answer: It can be. But it’s not always. It depends on how and what you’re using it for. There is no blanket answer on that, and that’s why it’s a grey area.
“Speak the truth in love” It’s in the simple verses that the bible speaks the real truth of the world. Of course, Murphy has to have his say in things as “The Simple Things Are Always Hard.” Witness any teenager trying to explain things to the person they admire. Everyone gets writer’s block when trying to explain that, from the humble farm boy of “The Princess Bride” to the high and mighty Mr. Darcy of Austen fame. But truth in love? It has to be. If you lie to your love, you’re pretty much doomed to lose it. That’s what 12 years of being married has taught me. My proudest accomplishment is that I’m a good husband. At least, that’s what my wife tells me. ;) And I have reason to believe her.
That said, you cannot vow to stop lying. You’re a writer. In the sheer technical sense, you sell lies for a living. Remember what I said about diplomacy? Same thing applies to parable as well. We tell stories to teach A truth. Does that always mean the story itself is true? The lesson taught usually is, but the mean details? Not always. Not even often. In that instance, the better the fiction, the better the lesson is taught.
I’ve seen the person who does not lie. They are not popular. They accept this, in that while they may have very few friends, the ones they have are honest about it. Silent? Most times, yes. Truth is powerful to speak, and is most often spoken softly for that reason. But mute? *laughs* Truth is immutable. That’s the powerful part about it. You can yell and scream lies all day, and a whisper of truth will undo you. The problem you have with your character is that you expect them to speak THE truth, when what you need to discover is what THEIR truth is. Everybody has one. It’s the core of who and what they are. The trick of it is, they’re not the same. And finding it when you’re young? That’s a rare soul there. Find your truth first. It’ll make it easier to find someone else’s later.