Nessa and Edith — definitely fun being. (Photo by B)
Why did I say that? I don’t think it was a full-blown strategy—more like an intuition. Isn’t it supposed to be? To me that is one of the fundamental questions of our existence. Another way to word it is: “Do you enjoy the life that you’ve been given?” There is in our post-Christian world an insinuation of an angry and vengeful God (I know you can find it in the Bible—you can find everything in the Bible!) He doesn’t mete out our lives to us in little spoons—it is a banquet! So here is my thesis (geez, why do I keep doing that?): If it is not fun being you, something has gone wrong.
Am I wrong to think that it is supposed to be fun? I immediately recognize the countless souls born into unhappy, sordid, inhumane circumstances. On the issue of suffering, I have no answers, except that Jesus will make it better than it is. But for some of us, our circumstances become an excuse rather than a reason. How much of our discontent is self-imposed? That takes a little introspection, which is a good thing. I am absolutely certain that it is supposed to be fun to be me—and that is a matter of faith, observation and response.
Is it fun being me? Yes. Why? Because I have people I love more than myself. Because I am glad I was created. Because I am learning to love my Creator. Because my life, in retrospect, is an adventurous journey. Because I don’t know what is going to happen next—but I trust. How fun!
What if you don’t think it is (fun being you)? Then change! (See my last essay…) I go back to my thesis: something has gone wrong. It doesn’t have to be this way. Be analytical—why isn’t it fun being you? Be optimistic—you can make it more fun to be you. Be realistic—God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change and the strength to change the things I can. Be grateful—realize that life is a gift.
What if you’re not sure (if it’s fun being you)? Then find out! One of my favorite Dylan quotes: “He not busy being born is busy dying.” (My alltime favorite President—Carter—used it in his inauguration speech.) Get busy being born! Try new things. Trust your instincts. Look outward and be still inward. Listen. Breathe.
As I said, it drives me crazy when we Christians depict God as being disapproving or uptight or, worst of all, selective in His affections. Or when we put ideology above love. You name the axis of opposition: Democrat v. Republican, pro-life v. pro-choice, straight v. gay, criminal v. victim, Cowboys v. Saints—God has no favorites. Yeah, I know, God hates sin—He fixed that. Sin is our problem, not His, because it separates us from Him. He does not expect us to go out into the world looking for sin to take down—there is plenty of that in our own hearts. He wants us to go into the world looking to love—just like He did. And if you, personally, are able to maintain that vision—I guarantee, without a doubt, 100%, absolutely certain—it will be fun being you.
Addendum: I always share my essays with my wife before I publish them. She reacted rather strongly to this one. She felt I was “looking at life through rose-colored glasses”—ignoring mental illness, depression, circumstances, tragedy. I admit I glossed over that in one brief paragraph about suffering. I am acutely aware (now) that the Bible makes frequent mention of trials, endurance, hardship, testing of our faith, and yes, pain. Obviously, we don’t stroll through those times whistling about how fun it is to be us. So, perhaps, an “appreciation of life” would be a more appropriate term than “fun.” But dang, I can’t get by my central point—God wants us to enjoy the life He has given us. For that, I am thankful.
On most days of my life, I have very much enjoyed being me. As you well know, I have had some pretty awful, painful and hurtful things happen to me. Many of the situations well out of my control. But I never blame God — I know if not for Him I would not have come through such darkness with a bright light still in my soul. No matter what, I know I have been superbly blessed despite some super difficult times. I have wonderful memories of doing so many fun things with my children, family and friends. I have traveled. I have dared to push the occasional extreme and scuba dive, sky dive and bungee jump. I have felt the immense love for my children, the pounding heart of romantic love, the joyful heart of friendship, the skipping heart of adventure and the Christian heart of forgiveness. I have danced until my breath is gone and cried until my breath is gone. Basically, I have lived and I choose to continue to live and lean on Him. So, yes, it can be lots of fun most times being me! As I have always said — if you can’t enjoy your own company how can anyone else?
To answer your question; No. It’s not fun being me. Leadership is not fun. At least, that’s what I was taught by leaders I came to have a great deal of respect for. I was told that leadership is not a perk. It’s not a reward. It is a recognition that you have the ability to do the job and the assigning of the tools (power) to do so. It means you eat last, sleep least, and worry most. It means you put those under you ahead of you. It is a terrible responsibility, and failure means that you have to be the one to tell someone’s mom or dad or husband or wife or kids that the person they love isn’t coming home. I have known this terrible responsibility. I live with it.
And yet… I can’t put it down. I can’t Not be that person. I’ve done it since I was 8 and stepped up to protect my younger siblings from further abuse. Did things go wrong? Yes. Yes they did. But they went right as well. We all have our trials. And no, they’re NOT fun. They’re not meant to be. We all learn from them too.
What was I taught? I was taught to be the person who runs into danger. Not stupidly, but not fearfully either. Like I was telling old friends when dispelling weapons myths, if there’s an active shooter event around me, I can’t NOT engage. I don’t even have to be armed. Yes, I know what my limits are. Yes, I know what the odds are (Never tell me the odds) that I’ll end up hurt or dead. And that doesn’t matter. I can’t NOT engage. It’s who I am. This I will Defend.
It’s in the life I saved on my honeymoon. It’s taking extra shifts because I have a guard in the hospital. It’s currently juggling that and being there for family on the death of my father in law. It’s in the support of service I give to my brothers (and now sisters) in arms. And some days, damn if it isn’t a burden and a half. Today is one of those days.
On the other hand, while I can’t Quite claim that pulling an old man off a cliff with a pair of battery cables, and clipping him out of the bobwire fence he was stuck in while dangling off that cliff myself is FUN (okay, matter of perspective there… I was having fun) it IS rewarding in ways you’d have to experience yourself to understand.
Would I trade it? Nope. This is my weight to carry. http://www.pagepilgrims.com/you-will-carry-your-own-weight/