This one goes out to Democrats and Republicans and especially our President, who always seems to find someone else responsible for his discontent. I don’t think he started it, but the blame game seems to be reaching epidemic levels. I’m detecting a human dynamic (meaning, I don’t see it some of the time, I see it most of the time)…if I am upset, someone is to blame. It is so hard to be noble when you are ticked off. Dictionary.com says to blame is to hold accountable for, and disapprove because of, some error, mistake, omission, neglect or the like. But most of the time when you are down or mad or off course, you know it is more on you than the person that you want to blame, so it’s even harder to feel a righteous indignation (unless you are lying to yourself).
This is my thesis: blame is wrong…this is not to say that people do not wrong you—it happens all the time. You can be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, victimized, and countless other transgressions. But blame is like the infection that keeps the wound from healing. Blame festers. There is no room for it in your spirit. If you harbor blame in your heart, you’re opening the door to a sour world view. If someone (anyone—stranger, friend, spouse, child) offends you, you have to make a decision on your response. You have to become the captain of your ship, and you have to remember that God is the sky and the wind and the sea—everyone else is floating just like you are.
I realize this seems to dismiss horrific events—child abuse, loss of a loved one, natural disaster, human cruelty, war…the list is endless. In no way. No matter how intense the suffering, grace is always available. That is the promise. There are multitudes of people who will acknowledge God became more available to them in their darkest hours. We want to equate God with the evil (“Why did you let this happen?”)…equate Him with the healing.
If you could make a contract with yourself (and keep it) to not ever blame another person for what you are feeling, you would be a healthier and happier person. That’s not an easy task. What he/she did made you feel the way you do—yours is a natural response. What works is transcendence. Nuts and bolts, life with God. “Forgive them for they know not what they do.” Forgiveness makes the difference between hardening your heart and simply moving on. If you are asking God to forgive someone, you are way ahead in the blame game.
The closer you get to home, the more subtle and pervasive the temptation to blame gets. Eric Berne, a psychologist back in the ‘70’s, wrote a bestseller called Game People Play—one of the chapters was called “Look What You Made Me Do.” One of my variations is the Mood Blame (“Look how you made me feel”)—if I am in a dark mood, it is never my fault. There is always someone, most often some near to me (usually poor Karen), who has caused me to feel that way. What a bunch of crap. Karen did not react or understand or choose or treat me the way I wanted her to. Who does? How often do I? Your peace of mind dependent on someone else’s behavior is a wrong turn off Contentment Parkway. And there is only one way back—love.
How does this translate into daily existence (where it really matters)? Just start out by taking responsibility for yourself—not just your subsistence and livelihood, but for your mood and your attitude and your general demeanor. Most of all, be responsible for your impact on this world. If I don’t know anything else, I know we are supposed to have a positive impact on the people around us. So if you are focused on having a positive impact, it is going to be harder to find someone to blame unless you are a martyr—don’t be.
I have to take responsibility for my state of being. I am who I am. Then I have to abdicate and pray for transformation. That starts with the realization—I can never blame anyone else for the way I am. God is in control of my life so every event can be assimilated by God to improve the person that I am. I can only take it to Him—and leave it with Him. And go back to loving.
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