That’s me. I consider it one of the major roles in my current life, a role at least 95% great. I am not sure how I got that name—I think Kallie gave it to me. My recollection is that she even consulted with me about it. It stuck. I am now Pop Pop to my six granddaughters, to my children, and to their spouses (well, except Dylan). Even my wife calls me that when in the girls’ presence. Like I said, major role.
The Pop Pop role is pretty unique. I am not in charge. If the parents are not in charge, Grandma is in charge. I am back-up. I have proven that I can change a diaper, but that is hardly ever called upon. A Pop Pop should always be supportive of Mom, because, let’s face it, she is bearing the brunt of neediness. He should always be checking up on Grandma, making sure that she is not being overwhelmed. He should always be available for talks with Dad, but he should not force them (unless absolutely necessary). As you can see, it is a role with a lot of plusses and not many minuses. 95%.
We moved to Frisco so we could be nearer to my youngest son, his wife and our three granddaughters. It is amazing how many elderly people make that choice. Of course, I also have two with Bethany in Toronto and one with Nate in Port Townsend. Karen and I have made being with our granddaughters a priority in life, so that is where most of our travel is directed. Karen has the ability to win any granddaughter, any age, over within a half an hour. I do not shine like that. (Of course, I have the disadvantage of being related to two future members of the Grandfather Hall of Fame, Zack’s father-in-law Bobby and Karen’s sister’s husband, Steve. They are as charming as Karen, when it comes to grandkids.) Me, I have to take my time, pick my spots. But as they allow you to get closer—that is the height of the grandparenting game.
Ah, the glories of drawing near…this was after going to Harper’s (age 7) basketball game and out to eat because her parents were slammed. Me: Harper, do you see this handicap sign we have in our car for Faith? Harper: Yeah. Me: Let me ask you a moral/ethical question. Harper: What’s that? Me: Right or wrong. Harper: Okay. Me: Would it be okay for you and me to park in a handicap spot even though Faith isn’t with us? (We were circling in a parking lot.) Harper: (thoughtful) I don’t think so. Me: Why? Harper: Because, Pop Pop, we’re not handicapped. Her genius and my bliss. (A confession: I think one time I did take advantage of Faith’s sign…my sinful self. Never again. Karen and I call it “Harper’s Rule” now.)
Another example: I decided to take three of my granddaughters fishing. (two of Zack’s: 7 y.o., and 5 y.o..; and Edith, Bethany’s oldest, who is ageless). My only hope was that I would survive for an hour, hour and a half, and maybe we would catch a fish. Advise to other Pop Pops: bad idea, way too young, very short attention spans. But I should explain that Zack’s three girls are growing up in a nice Dallas suburb and Edith is a Toronto city girl whose parents love to go camping. My bait was nightcrawlers—which the two Dallas girls shied away from like me with snakes. But not Edith. By the end of the fishing excursion, all four girls had worms in their hands, each individually named, with domestic plans for their future. (We ran out of bait—but not before we caught a fish!)
Last example: Karen and I were recently in Port Townsend, visiting Nate and Annalisa and the beautiful Ayla. The two women wanted some girl/shopping time, so Nate and I stayed home to babysit. We took her into her playroom, sat on the floor with Ayla between us, and for over two hours we talked while she scooted around in between us, demonstrating the various functions, real and imagined, of innumerable toys, climbing on us, laughing and smiling without one single tear or pout. Angelic.
So this is what I’ve learned—and I have to praise my Maker. Every single individual is created unique. I watch these six beings develop and I am in awe. Every quirk, every inclination, every idiosyncrasy—every I‑am-who-I-am. Karen and I can talk about them for hours,. We watch their interactions with their parents—with each other—with us, and we marvel at the newness. If every good gift comes from God, this is one of His specialties. Karen repeats this prayer (that I love): Lord, let all our granddaughters come to know Jesus at an early age. This is not any ideological demand—it is to make their lives even better.
Another reality I’ve observed: as they get older, we are going to become less important. Especially me, but even Grandma! That is the nature of the role. I believe it is God’s wisdom. I want to fade away gracefully, not like a dumped boyfriend who keeps trying to get back together.
I think about how I want to be remembered. (When I taught Creative Writing, I required a six-chapter autobiography. Only occasionally, I would get a chapter from a kid about their beloved grandfather—what an honor!) I hope mine think of me as wise and kind—I hope they know I was on their side every moment, good and bad. I hope they smile when they think of me. I hope God’s love shines through me to them. I take my role of Pop Pop very seriously.
Afterword: in case anyone was wondering what the other 5% was about, I have two words: worry and sympathy. I worry because I don’t trust the direction this world is heading, and they will inherit our mess. And I have sympathy for their parents, whose job is so much more demanding than mine
Sorry it has taken me this long to respond. I love your reflection on my essay. I think God is constantly teaching us how to love people…but He teaches us about unconditional love by giving us family. I can see He works as powerfully in your heart as He does in mine.
This was a beautiful reality which we live as well — we have Mia who still misses her Grammy and the boys talk of Mom, their Grammy, with such a wistfulness in their voices that it makes me take a breath and pause so I don’t cry. I love my new grandson Mason (Jake’s wife’s boy but now all of ours too!) And soon Jake will have a baby girl — named Parker Jane. I love watching our kids be parents — I think we did a pretty good job raising them. I too am thrilled to be a Nana — so grateful that God let me be a Mom to those boys and a Nana. I’m scared too at the way things are going in this world — there is much to teach these grandkids and maybe I will be remembered as my boys remember their Gram. I won’t ever forget that sound Russ made when he saw her or the look of raw emotions on both their faces — she was watching I know — and I know she was proud of them as I am. Thanks for letting me express myself when prodded with thought — keep writing- you are good