It might be another symptom of old age. It has become more and more difficult for me to sit through a movie, and to keep from wondering, as I am sitting through, how much longer? To watch a movie in a theater heightens the sense of discomfort. If I pause a movie on my TV, there’s a decent chance I will never come back to it.
This is a fairly recent affliction, though it has crept up slowly. Since the mid-1990’s, I have kept a log of every movie I’ve watched (I also give it a grade). My list is getting close to 2000 films. In 25 years, that’s an average of nearly 80 movies a year, more than one a week. That doesn’t count movies I watch more than once. That makes me a pretty avid movie fan, doesn’t it?
So what has gone wrong? Back in the day, I had an ulterior motive. When the market for my young adult novels dried up (I had two published, then wrote four without success), I decided to try my hand at screenwriting. I loved movies, and I only had to hit on one to strike it rich (average payment for an original script in Hollywood was $175K—or so I read). So I began to study the craft, which meant seeing a lot of movies. The good thing about my “research” was that I could share it with my wife, my kids, or anyone else who liked to watch and talk about movies. I ended up writing four screenplays, none of which hit the bigtime.
My dreams of an Oscar faded away. Now any movie-watching motivation focused more on entertainment. I gravitated toward two genres: the Young Adult movie (probably because I was a high school teacher) and the Rom-Com (because somewhere in my heart I am a hopeless romantic). But I still watched movies from every genre (and graded them ruthlessly).
The special ones, however—the ones that moved me in my soul—were the ones that reflected, or at least shined a light on, real life—the human experience. The ones that made you want to be a better person—that made you admire the human spirit—that filled you with an appreciation for life… The movies that made you realize that film-making was art—not just entertainment. I could give you a list, but I trust you can come up with your own.
So how did it become hard for me to watch movies? No doubt, some of the fault lies with my own antiquity—but I can also point a finger at you, Hollywood. Superheroes and sequels and slashers and sensationalism…most especially, the glorification of violence. Look what they done to my art, ma. My spiritual muses, the Avett Brothers, sing: “If you think there isn’t any connection between/ All the violence you see in real life and what’s on the screen/ Well it seems painfully clear to me/ That you’re living in a fantasy.” I can still walk out of a theater feeling uplifted, but the odds are far greater that I’m going to feel beat down.
And these purveyors have dragged the whole film industry with them, from film criticism to entertainment journalism to artistic achievement to self-congratulationalism. I can barely open an Entertainment Weekly. I don’t want to see previews of coming attractions (used to enjoy that as much as the show). I don’t believe award nominations have anything to do with artistic merit. And I don’t want to hear actors thank their agents and publicists and personal assistants. The entire enterprise has become self-inflated, and anyone with clear vision can recognize the true idol: money. It surprises me that Hollywood hates Trump—or is that just a veneer?
I am lucky that my wife can go to movies with her sister now—they both enjoy the experience, and they don’t have to listen to me grouse. And when they report something they really enjoyed, I make a mental note (50/50 chance that I will follow up on it). I especially enjoy sitting on my back porch in the springtime.
So I am filing for divorce, Hollywood. Oh, we can still keep in touch. We have many mutual friends—they will let me know what you are up to. I won’t hesitate to contact you if you catch my interest. No hard feelings. I hope you return to your younger vision—when you won my heart.
I don’t see a lot of movies but in the past few weeks I did see A Hidden Life which was one of the most beautiful and powerful movies I’ve ever seen. Also one of the saddest, on several levels. But definitely worth seeing. It’s long but I never felt impatient for it to end.
Then I went to see Parasite because it was getting such great reviews and was highly recommended. I thought it was horrible and was glad when it was over. Too violent and twisted for me.
I can get into a kid’s movie and thoroughly enjoy it when I am with kids. But, for Sheri and myself, we want to feel our money and time were well-spent when we leave the theater. Few of the recent movies reach that standard.